Are you Happy?

pg. 20-21

interviewer: Hiroko Yamamoto


 

- Normally, when do you feel happy?

When do I think "Gee I'm happy"? u~n, maybe I feel happy when I've done something that's pleased someone else. For example, I like to surprise people so I'll unexpectedly bring them presents sometimes...

- Like birthday presents?

Yup! But not just that, I'm kind of an impulse buyer so I might be standing in front of a flower shop and think "what pretty flowers", and then I'll buy them for somebody. Or I'll often bring wine if I'm going to visit a man. I'll buy it en route to their house; it's become important to me that I do so. Then when they say "thank you" and look pleased, that makes me happy. I also like seeing people's suprised faces I suppose. After that, I also like going out to see the night sky, so regardless of whether a person is male or female, if they are important to me I'll want to show it to them. But ordinarily there are a lot of things to give. I won't be thinking of buying anything to begin with but if I pass a store and see something that I think will suit somebody I'll buy it. Lately I haven't had much time to do that though.

-Conversely, do you like receiving presents?

Yup! This is my selfish side, but when I get something I don't want I make a face (laughs). So people are always asking me what I want, but if I were to say what I really wanted it would be something like "time" or "car". So I'll say I want realistic things instead, like a highway card...

-When you receive you become realistic.*
* I don't really know how to translate this, "jibun ga morau to naru to genjitsuteki". Thankfully it was inconsequential.

(laughs) did I say that? Well, if I give someone else a birthday present I like to give them something they want. But I also want to surprise them, even if I'm only giving them a present. So I'll use magic to give it to them at a time when they look like I can surprise them (luahgs).

-Like you'll set pigeons loose on them (laughs)?

(laughs) No, not quite like that. Next, maybe I'm happy when I'm taking a bath. Especially when I'm in a big ofuro*. That's why I really hate my ofuro at home. When I'm at home I only take showers.
* Ofuro is a Japanese bath. In Japan they take a shower, get all clean, and then take a bath. The water's heated and the ofuro's a lot deeper than tubs in America. Because people are already clean when they get in there's no need to change the water after each use so it's usually drained weekly instead. It saves on water.

- Do you mean a big ofuro, like the public baths?

Yup! Like a jetbath. Sometimes I'll go to a hotel to take a bath.

- Just to take a bath?

Yes. That's why I'd go to love hotels* by myself. In city hotels the baths are too small and the rooms are narrow too, but the rooms in love hotels are wide, aren't they? I'd stay there from 5:00 in the morning till late in the afternoon, often I went when I was feeling irritated. I'd fill the ofuro and hop in, stretch out on the bed and relax, and then go take an ofuro again or something like that. When I went there I lost all sense of time because it was so dark, which I really liked. I would go to watch movies or for "stress liquidation".
I can't do that anymore nowadays, although I went a lot before. I would sink down among the ofuro bubbles and sing (laughs). Because of that, I've always used love hotels differently than other people do. So whether I go alone or with somebody else, I'll always view them in a different sense it seems (laughs). I don't think they're all that ecchi*. They're just places I can go to relax.
* Love hotels are pretty much used for what their names say. Couples can rent rooms for a short amount of time and do whatever it is they want to do (you can see one in "Love Hina")
* Ecchi is the way the Japanese pronounce the letter"h". It is the first letter in the word "hentai", which means perverted or of or relating to sexual matters, and has come to mean roughly the same thing.

- Well, are you happy now?

u~n...no, I'm not!

- Why is that?

Is it because they're not there?

- ??? What's not there?

My conditions for happiness.

- And what are those?

For me they are having enough free time, just enough money to live how I want, and being with friends who have time and money as well. Without those three things I can't be truly happy.

- So if you had money, but no free time, it would mean nothing to you?

Nothing. On the other hand, if I only had free time that wouldn't mean anything either. In my quest for happiness I have both money and time, but if I'm the only one that does then it really doesn't matter. When I find friends who have both as well, then I think I can be happy*. Of course there are a lot of other smaller kinds of happiness.
* Malicetachi wa? It doesn't sound to me as if Gackt's getting along too well with the other members at this point. Of course, I could just be reading too much into it but...

- Like surprising people and taking baths, as you had said before?

Yup yup.

- And if you had both time and money?

It would be nice if I had the time to do what I wanted right now and money wasn't an issue. In this world money's an absolute necessity. You need it to do just about anything. Of course there are ways to do things without money, but that takes a lot of time. When I'm thinking of going someplace to do something I don't want to waste time planning it out and worrying about the cost. If I can do insignificant things without having to worry it makes me happy, although that might sound a little silly. So I might ask a friend to go sightseeing with me if the scenery's pretty that day but sometimes they can't because they don't have enough time or they need to earn money, and that's horrible. Shouldn't it be simple to go and look at nature? Whatever a person choses to do, even if it is pointless, they should be able to do it without being controlled by money. Right?

- I understand, but it must be hard to find friends who feel the same way about happiness.

Yeah, it really is.

- If you became rich, what do you think you would do? Would you consider giving money to others who need it?

If I were to say "I'll give this to you" to sombody and they didn't seem too eager to accept it, then I think it would be okey. I think if a person can afford to give money away they should. But everytime when I say that I'm not really thinking about what will happen and people tend to seem uncomfortable with the idea. After that things can become somewhat awkward. I've often talked to my friends about these kinds of things but I don't know if we agree. What is happiness, really? What will things be like ten year from now? Those sorts of things. Maybe everyone will have enough time and money eventually I think. When I say that I'd like to walk across the Swiss border next year everyone says "you don't have that kind of time", or "you don't have enough money for that." If that's how it is, then I just have to find the time and money to do it. That's all it is, really.

- So you're saying you don't want to be tied down by time and money?

Right. That's all I want. I don't want to have them or to be tied down by them.

- After all, it is bad to be restricted.

Right. In conclusion, no one is really free. Even though everyone thinks that they can do things however they want to they are really tied down by the way the world works, and must recognize that before they can succeed. I wish I could break free from all that. That would make me truly happy.

- So that is why you are not happy now.

Right. I'm being held back by both time and money.

- Have you always felt that way?

I've felt that way for a long time. Since I was 17. I felt that I couldn't be happy if I was the only one with time and money. Maybe people will think that I'm saying I don't have any dreams for the future after reading this interview. It really does sound very realistic, but I think we are all searching for that kind of happiness. I'm not done acheiving my three conditions yet and I'll probably start on something else soon too...I'd like to devote my attention to realizing the things I've created in my heart, so when I think that I'll definitely be affected if I go someplace, I'd like to be able to say "well, off I go!" I hate ending things with "I wish I could go..."

- There are probably a lot of instances when you can't just say "let's go!"

Modokashii (laughs). Really, modokashii. But right now I'm in following the next thing and I'm not planning on saying anything about that. Of course sometimes I'm happy when I'm singing too, but that kind of happiness is still completely different. I'm greedy after all (laughs)*.
*umm, I had a bit of trouble with some of the words in that paragraph

- When would you like to have these three things?

The sooner the better. But there's no time...I'll turn 70, 80, and then I won't be able to go skiing (laughs). Right now I'd like to go to France but in reality it's impossible. Even though it's only about 14 hours by plane I have to work the next day so I can't do that even...

 

There are two more paragraphs left and I'll translate them as soon as I'm not grumpy and inundated with homework. I am truly sorry.

 

 

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~Translation by Faith, 2002~