This was meant to be a diary entry on minorities, but soon took a more analytical (if still highly personal) turn, and so I put it under both sections. The minority one will be under the diary section of this site soon enough.

I recently received a bit of a shock. Someone I don't even know had decided that I am a stupid fangirl lolita who's goal in life is to sleep with her idol, and has been photoshopping my pictures, making fun of me, etc...the worst part is that they are extremely good friends with someone I trusted...I don't know if I do now. Why didn't he stop him? As I've said many times before, you can't trust anyone. And so this shouldn't come as such a surprise to me, right? But yet somehow it does. The second part is that I'm not interested in...well, that's not important (wry smile).

As I have stated many times over on this site, I am not lolita. I am simply myself. If I do come across as a lolita, it is to set the mood of the site, and to make it more understandable and accessible to my readers. When I dress lolita I am lolita. But through it all, I'm still myself.

Now who wants to hear the driving force behind the lolita fashion (finally? >_<), my real ideology, and why I even bother with this site......

**************

I don't believe in setting arbitrary boundaries in regard to other people, or in stereotyping, or discrimination. My utopia would be one in which everyone was empathatic and intelligent, and where rather than hating others, they would work together to try to create a world in which this kind of life was possible. That's why I translate; language is one of the greatest boundaries to multicultural communication, and one that people often are not even aware plays such a big step in inhibiting it. I haven't been a lolita for over a year now (I'm sorry!) because there's no one to be lolita with around me anymore. But I still translate and try to provide you with accurate information because the media nowadays twists everything (they've been photoshopping pictures even more than they normally do lately, or at least becoming more careless), and so I can only assume that whatever you may hear about lolita is heresay, or has been passed down by people who don't know what they are talking about. I'm not trying to tell you what to be! I believe you should do what you want and be who you want, just so long as you're not harming others. I'm trying to give you the reason and culture behind Japanese lolita, if only just a little.

Lolita, like any other fashion or subculture, can be done for many reasons. One of which is to find friends and create solidarity among a group with similar interests (minor indies bandgirl lolita). The other is to upshow people or fit into a group all dressed similarly (major indies bandgirl lolita). And although lolita, in particular, tends to be more introverted and geared towards pushing people away, for many of the girls who wear it, it's a way of escaping the kinds of criticisms and judgements that this boy has placed on me. No one can know a person without talking to them for a long time, and no one should judge someone else based on what they're wearing, especially if they don't understand that person's culture.And yet they do. And thus do we have gangs and terrorism, wars (oh, but those are for power and economics much too often as well)...well, thus is the world a cold place.

In my research, I found that for many lolita not associated with the gothic culture, their clothing was meant to make them not a doll, but rather to bring them back to their childhood. In Japan, children are taught from an early age the difference between "uchi"(inside, family, home) and "soto"(outside, stranger, dirty, pollution). The clothing closely resembles the sorts of dresses a young girl might wear before she has to go to school and become a member of society, where she interacts with the "soto."

This is very important in Japan. When you are outside everyone will watch and critisize you for everything you do and wear. The pressure has lead to the hikikomori phenomenon, where people (often schoolchildren), will lock themselves in their rooms and not come out for months on end to avoid strangers. The home is where one can relax, get rid of the pollution of strangers by changing their clothing and footwear, and feel comfortable and safe again, like they felt when they were children.

Lolita, and its implications of childhood, is a way of taking that "uchi" and forcing it upon the "soto". When a lolita wears her clothing, she isn't saying "look at me", she's saying "leave me alone". In other cases, girls will move from the countryside and lose their comfort zone completely. Sometimes the clothing reminds them of a friend or loved one who dressed lolita, and sometimes it reminds them of their family and home. And so while not saying "go away", these girls are saying "I have nothing to hold on to". Their clothing is a symbol of the fact that they have wrapped themselves in a makeshift home and given themselves an identity. These girls tend to always dress lolita, and to be shy and lonely, whereas the aforementioned group will tend to be more aloof and intimidating. They will have their friends or group, and are more likely to critisize other lolita in order to make themselves feel better about themselves. Whichever way you look at it though, both are trying to escape from the cruelty of society and into their own security. This is done through lolita and what it symbolizes to them.

I think everyone has faced unjust criticism in their lives, maybe lolita more than other people. Or maybe they're just more sensitive (or like pretty things >_< ). If I could, honestly, I would get rid of all of the people who find meaning not in themselves, but in hating and picking on others. There's an arrogance in thinking oneself better than others that does not bode well in the world right now, but seems to be an unfortunate part of human nature.

So please. If you read this, try to understand and to live your life well. You don't have to believe in a higher power who will discipline you, but to simply find strength within yourself to live in kindness and have an open mind. And you mustn't listen to people like that boy...isn't this self-reassurance? (bitter laugh) But it hurts! To be misunderstood and then attacked for it, and to not be able to convince that person that they're wrong no matter how hard you try, and no matter how ignorant they may be.

People hear what they want to hear. They believe what they want to believe, and they hurt who they want to hurt. In my world, those people would not exist. I hope you, if you are reading this, find someone you can trust and love before you run into the kinds of people that I have. Because you need a balance before you stop trusting and stop trying. Should I stop, I wonder.....

Did anyone even read this, I wonder......

Or did you read it and think, like that boy, that I am a shallow lolita who's entire goal in life
is to sleep with a bandman.

I leave that up to you.

And if you got this far, comment please. It would mean a lot to me.